Red and Gray
by Brandywine421
Summary: The Cohens go away on their romantic getaway and tragedy strikes on the home front.
1. Concrete Castle

Red and Gray

Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to the O.C. I don't own anything except my car, to be honest, so please don't sue.

AN: This takes place after "The Secret" but it's AU after that. Seth didn't choose either girl, he decided to be friends with both. It's NOT based on any spoilers, true or false despite similarities to a false spoiler that went around a few weeks ago. I've been working on this since November, one of the few stories I actually spent time working on instead of just posting it immediately (but the writing's just as bad). Kirsten and Sandy are going away on the romantic getaway that they won at Caleb & Julie's party and leaving the boys home with Rosa, the housekeeper. Sandy is still involved in the legal case with Caleb & Kirsten's company. It will be angsty and dark in the upcoming chapters, so don't get worried if it's lighter than my other stuff. I just wanted to get something new out there and this one's getting outdated so let me know what you guys think!

Rated: PG-13 for language? (I write like I talk, so I apologize if the language seems coarse to some. Sorry!)

"So are you sure you guys will be okay here all by yourself?" Kirsten is standing in the kitchen as Sandy puts their luggage into the car.

"Yes, for the four hundredth time, yes, Mom," Seth replies. Ryan is sitting beside him at the counter, spooning cereal into his mouth, watching their exchange with an amused expression.

"We're only going away for a week. Rosa will be here during the day and we'll call every night…" Kirsten continues.

"Mom, please. We get it. Now can you go ahead and leave? The keg's getting delivered at ten and the strippers are already on the way," Seth says evenly. Ryan laughs aloud at Kirsten's stricken expression.

"Now I'm worried. Ryan's laughing and you look like somebody died," Sandy says, walking into the kitchen and putting his arm around his wife.

"Don't worry, guys. Ryan and I promise to stay out of trouble," Seth grins at his parents. Ryan gives them the thumbs-up sign with his mouth full.

Sandy and Kirsten glance at each other. 

"You guys deserve the time away," Ryan says quietly. "We'll be good. No fire. No arrests. No accidental overdoses in foreign countries." He holds up two fingers. "Scout's honor."

Kirsten smiles slightly. "Were you a boy scout?"

Seth laughs as Ryan's gaze flickers toward him. "Sure."

"Okay, honey, I think we've done all that we can without installing surveillance equipment," Sandy laughs. "We'll call you when we get to the hotel, guys. Please. Stay out of trouble?"

Seth and Ryan both raise their fingers and state, "Scout's honor."

***** 

****

"…Let's get crazy,  
Talk about our big plans  
Places that you're going  
Places that I haven't been  
Build my walls up  
Concrete castle  
Keep this kingdom free of hassle, yeah…"  
--Something Corporate

"Are they gone?" Ryan calls from the kitchen.

"Hallelujah, yes. Thank you Grandpa, for the romantic getaway for my parents that gives us a week of freedom!" Seth responds. He leaves the window where he was watching his parents' departure and returns to the kitchen.

"So what are we going to do? Go to school?"

"Ryan. I'm disappointed in you. Aren't you, like, the official bad boy of Chino? And you're asking if we're going to cut school when our parental units are out of town?" Seth responds, feigning disappointment.

Ryan gives him the finger. "Then why did I get out of bed, Seth?"

"Marissa keeping you up nights?" Seth teases. 

"What about you? Anna keeping you up nights?" Ryan retorts, playfully.

"Stop right there. No talking about Anna or Summer today. I'm officially taking the day off. Let's go to the beach," Seth replies.

"So we can go sailing on the boat named after Summer?"

"Huh. Maybe not. What do you want to do?"

Ryan shrugs. "We can run a couple of games and raid the mini-bar."

Seth considers this. "Drunken playstation. I can deal with that."

***** 

Around lunchtime, Seth and Ryan are reasonably wasted from Ryan's expertly made screwdrivers. Rosa, the housekeeper, has joined them, enjoying the mixed drinks as well. When the doorbell rings, she leaves the lounging boys and goes to the door.

"Dude. What are you doing here?" Luke Ward steps into the den, startled at the sight of the two drunken teenagers.

"Luke? What are you doing here?" Seth asks in response, slurring his words. Despite Ryan's serious relationship with Marissa, he has become friends with Luke. They are teammates on the soccer team and have bonded after struggling through several of the same classes.

"We have a game at six, Ryan, you can't play if you don't show up to school," Luke says, smiling despite himself as Ryan finishes his drink and looks at him blankly.

"What? Says who?" Ryan asks.

"The coach, dude, he sent me to find you."

Seth starts to laugh. "Hah, Ryan, you have to go to school…" Ryan shoves him. He sighs, getting to his feet and returning to the mini-bar. He refreshes his drink.

"You want one?" Ryan offers Luke. He shrugs. Ryan makes Luke a drink, one for himself and one for Rosa. 

At one o'clock, Rosa and Seth are playing video games and Luke is sitting with Ryan on the patio, watching him smoke a cigarette.

"How can you do that? I mean, it's smoke and it doesn't get you high," Luke comments. He closes his eyes as he stretches out in a lawnchair.

"Are you tanning? Dude," Ryan replies. "That's not cool."

"Shut up," Luke replies.

"I've been smoking since I was ten," Ryan mutters. 

"Since you were ten? What the fuck, dude. Your folks didn't care?" Luke asks.

"Nope. I think that's been pretty well established," Ryan remarks.

"Sorry," Luke smiles at him, apologetic.

"What the hell are you guys doing? Coach sent you to get Chino and you just disappear?" Chip and most of the soccer team walk up from the driveway.

"We kind of got distracted," Luke replies, holding up his glass.

Chip plucks Ryan's cigarette from his fingers and stamps it out. "We're going to blow the game, punk, if you can't breathe…"

"What is this, the cancer police or something?" Ryan mutters, glaring at him. "It's like I'm trapped in a 'truth' commercial."

"You guys are our best players and you're getting wasted before the game…where's your folks?" Chip asks, realizing that they are drinking at Ryan and Seth's house.

"Ryan, phone…" Seth yells from inside. 

"The housekeeper's watching them. She makes a mean margarita, too," Luke answers as Ryan staggers inside. He picks up the phone from the counter. 

"Ryan?"

"Marissa, hey," Ryan smiles.

"Kirsten and Sandy get off okay?"

"Yeah. This morning."

"Word is that the soccer team is cutting school today. Dr. Kim is meeting with the coach…"

"Shit…" Ryan says, glancing outside at the gathered boys.

"Are you going to play tonight?"

"I guess we'll see. I'm a little wasted."

"Ryan? You…" Marissa laughs. "You're going to get in so much trouble…where's Rosa?"

Seth lets out a yell as Rosa's ninja beats him.

"She's on the playstation with Seth. We're all wasted." He glances outside again. "Looks like the soccer team is getting started, too."

"I'll be over right after school…"

"Let me see what the boys want to do, Marissa. We might have to go to this game if we don't get busted."

"Okay. I'll call you when school lets out." She lowers her voice. "I told my dad that I was going to stay with Summer for the next few days…but…"

"Sweet. I'm looking forward to it…"

"What's going on with Summer and Seth?"

"Don't ask don't tell is all I know. I don't know anything," Ryan replies. 

"I'll grill you for details later, kid. Bye."

Ryan smiles as he hangs up. He opens the door to the patio. He explains to the team that the coach is meeting with Dr. Kim. They all agree to stay put and continue drinking. They're in trouble anyway.

Due to Ryan's truce with Luke and the jocks, Seth has become more accepted among the teens in Newport. He's constantly with Ryan and surprisingly, has become friends with a couple of the soccer jocks due to their common addiction to Playstation 2.

By three o'clock, Rosa has passed out in the guestroom and Seth and Ryan have stopped drinking. The soccer team continues to party, gathered on the patio while Seth and Ryan are trying not to pass out. The knocking on the door startles them both from their dazes as they jump.

"Shit. This can't be good," Seth mutters, walking with Ryan to the door.

Ryan glances through the window and recognizes his soccer coach and assistant coach. "I'll let you handle this." He bolts before Seth can open the door.

"Wait!" Seth calls, but Ryan is gone. "Damn." He opens the door.

"Mr. Cohen. Have you seen my team?" The coach demands, sternly. The assistant coach is amused.

"Uh…" Seth stammers. He's saved from his explanation by a rousing yell from the backyard urging someone to 'chug'.

"That's Chip," The assistant coach nods. 

"Just step aside, Seth. This is out of your hands now," The coach sighs. Seth lets the men inside. 

"Busted!" The assistant coach says, grabbing Ryan's arm as he finds him in the kitchen. Ryan is waving to the drunken teenagers on the patio and they are scrambling to hide the alcohol they have gathered.

"Damn," Ryan mutters. The coach is on the patio when the assistant coach pulls Ryan outside.

The lecture begins and lasts over half an hour. Finally, the coach sighs. "I've spoken with Dr. Kim and because this is such an important match for us, I convinced her to let this slide. Actually, I told her that you were all at a workshop scheduled by Jimmy over there," He refers to the assistant coach. "But you guys better sober up fast and you BETTER win tonight. You listening, Atwood?" 

Ryan nods his assent. "Yes, sir."

"I want you guys in the locker room in an hour. I want sobriety and discipline. You boys are too old for this. You better all be there and there will be extra practices for the rest of the week so you boys can prove to me that you want Newport to go all state. You understand?" 

"Yes, sir," The group of scolded teenagers reply.

"Good. Now. I'm glad you boys have come together as a team, I'm very proud of that, but this is unacceptable. I'll see you all in an hour." The coach exits with Jimmy. Ryan joins Seth in the kitchen. 

"This was not my best idea," Ryan mutters to Seth.

"I think it was one of the best," Seth grins. "We just pulled off a major party during school **and** we got busted **and** we're not going to get into any trouble. And you were worried about fitting it," Seth teases.

"Hey. You're not in trouble, is that what I hear?" Marissa walks into the kitchen, smiling.

"When am I not in trouble? I'm always in trouble. I'm drunk and I have to be ready to play soccer in an hour with a bunch of drunk jocks," Ryan replies, embracing Marissa. She kisses him deeply. 

When they separate, they hear a loud commotion from the patio. Chip has pushed Luke into the pool and several other boys have joined in the wrestling match in the pool.

"This is like a documentary on Animal Planet or something. What the jocks do in their free time," Seth jokes.

*****


	2. Static

"…_And now I'm static  
As your sky is turning purple and gray  
I'm learning that the further that I crawl  
The farther that I fall, is that ok?"_

--Something Corporate  


Seth rides with Marissa to the soccer game, Ryan having caught a ride with Luke.

"You don't think the whole Ryan and Luke thing is weird?" Seth asks Marissa.

"God, yes. It's fucking outrageous. I mean, them being friends is fine, it's better than them beating the hell out of each other at every turn, but it's weird as hell," Marissa replies. "But let's not talk about Ryan. What's going on with you?"

"Me? Nothing…" Seth replies quickly.

"Liar. You're a worse liar than Ryan, and that's saying a lot. Something's going on with you. Are you dating Anna?"

"No."

"Summer?"

"No."

Marissa grins at Seth. "But you're talking to them both, aren't you?"

"I have the right to remain silent…" Seth mutters.

"Seth…"

"I have the right to an attorney. If I can't afford one, one will be appointed to me…" Seth continues.

"Summer likes you…" Marissa teases.

"Just drop it, Marissa."

She glances at him, concerned. "This is really bothering you, isn't it?"

"I go seventeen years without a chance at romance and now I have…I have, like, Ryan's luck with the ladies. I mean, Anna likes me but I've always been into Summer…and Summer…well, she seems to like me but she's too worried about her social status to be seen with me. So, I can either settle for Anna, which isn't fair to her or I can wait around for Summer to decide whether or not I'm worth it." He sighs.

"Summer, she'll come around, Seth…"

"I shouldn't have to wait for her, Marissa," Seth replies honestly as Marissa parks her car. 

"You're right. I shouldn't bring it up. But if you want to talk about it…you know, like a female perspective…"

"Thanks, Marissa," Seth answers, surprised. "That means a lot…"

"Well, you're a friend. Now let's go watch your brother stumble around the soccer field," Marissa grins as they start toward the field.

Seth waves at Anna when he spots her at the same time that Summer joins Marissa. 

"I heard the whole soccer team is wasted," Summer tells Marissa. Her brown eyes are locked on Seth as she talks to Marissa. She doesn't acknowledge him.

Seth walks away before Marissa can respond, joining Anna. 

"Hey, Seth. What's hanging?" Anna smiles. She is Seth's closest friend after Ryan and he has turned down her advances so far, trying to keep her as a friend rather than a 'girlfriend'. She has accepted his reasons but still flirts shamelessly with him. He has feelings for her, but he doesn't want to lead her on. Ryan has been encouraging him to get over his crush on Summer and focus on the real chance for a relationship with Anna, but Seth can't seem to get over his attraction to Summer.

"Absolutely nothing," Seth replies. 

"You're not sitting with Summer and Ryan's other half?"

"Do you want to sit with them?" Seth asks, confused.

Anna snorts. "No, Seth. It was a joke."

The two settle into their normal banter and begin making fun of the people around them as they find a seat in the bleachers. 

Ryan catches Seth's eye before the game and staggers drunkenly onto the field. Luke and some of the others see him joking and join him, all swaying and acting drunk. They fall in a heap on the foul line and Seth and Anna laugh uncontrollably. Marissa yells something and Seth realizes that Summer is watching him intensely a few rows down. 

Seth is stricken with dread. A few months ago, Seth was alone. There was no best friend from Chino and no comic book ally from Pittsburgh. There was also no chance that Summer Roberts would ever be interested in him. Now, his life is changed. He has a brother and two girls that want to get into his pants. Anna, she's his mirror image. She loves graphic novels. She loves anime, even the cartoons he doesn't get into. She listens to the same strain of music that he does and she _always_ has something funny or shocking to say. But…damn the butt of Summer fucking Roberts. Seth just can't shake his longing for Summer.

"Hey. What's wrong? You having, like, a dark mood swing or something?" She asks.

"No," He replies immediately. "Not at all. I just remembered that I'm against organized sports of any kind," He covers and starts to talk animatedly about his hatred of sports and their effect on jocks and the bully mentality of kids. The game starts and Anna and Seth focus on the game.

***** 

__

"…Give me space so I can breathe  
Give me space so I can sleep  
Give me space so you can drown in this with me…"

--Something Corporate  


Newport wins the game despite the lingering effects of their afternoon binge. Seth waits with Anna on the bleachers as the viewers clear out.

Marissa and Summer approach them, taking a seat behind them on the bleachers. Seth doesn't even notice them until Marissa touches his shoulder. He jumps.

"Hanging out with Chino's making you jumpy," Summer mutters. Marissa glares at her as Seth's face goes blank. 

"Waiting for Ryan?" Anna asks Marissa after giving Summer a cold look.

"Yeah, well, almost. We were thinking of hitting the mall and I wondered if you could get a ride…"

Seth pauses before replying. 

"I can give you a ride. It's only few blocks out of my way and you can return that Gundam dvd set you borrowed…" Anna offers smoothly.

"Ryan hasn't watched them all yet," Seth replies, smiling. Summer glares at Anna until Marissa nudges her, scolding.

"Is he going to say that if I ask him?" Anna replies.

"Hey guys," Ryan says, walking up. He looks exhausted but he's clean from his shower and dressed in jeans and a t-shirt.

"Ryan, have you seen all of the Gundam episodes that Seth has?" Anna asks.

Ryan glances from her to Seth, his face confused. "Um…sure, yeah."

Seth shakes his head disapprovingly. Anna and Marissa laugh. Summer is looking away.

"Busted. Let's go," Anna says, standing up.

"I'm going to the mall with Summer but I'll be by later," Marissa tells Ryan. She kisses him quickly and they go to the parking lot. 

***** 

*****

"_Always think we get more time   
Now flying through the air   
Maybe living maybe dying   
In this motor crash it's you who comes to mind   
Don't we always wish had more time…"_

---3EB  


"Shit…" Anna mutters, seconds before the SUV skids sideways to avoid the stalled vehicle. The music plays loudly but Ryan, Seth and Anna are upside down. The crash is deafening on the first rotation and then the sound of metal. Seth never knew that 'metal' was a sound.

Seth snaps alert as he hears his name.

"Seth!" Ryan's voice reminds him of Tijuana. He feels hands on his head. "Seth?"

"Why are you touching me?" Seth asks, realizing that he hurts all over. Something's wrong.

"You're bleeding, are you okay?"

Seth can't see Ryan and there's something sticky on his face. Blood.

"Check on Anna, Seth, I can't get out…" Ryan says urgently. Seth manages to unbuckle his seat belt and crawl through the shattered window. He coughs, tasting blood. There are crashed cars everywhere. He sees Anna as he staggers around to the driver's side. He falls to his knees beside her.

Anna's blonde hair is red with blood and she's lying in a puddle of glass.

"Anna…" Seth breathes. He ignores the shard of metal piercing her stomach. He focuses on her fading blue eyes.

"Seth…are you okay?" She asks weakly. He grasps her bloody hand and squeezes it. 

"I'm fine, you're okay…"

"You're a shitty liar, Seth…" She smiles slightly through her pain.

"Anna, just hang on…" Seth urges, panicked. The sirens and yells start to pound in his head.

"Seth…I loved you…I mean…I love you…" She whispers.

"Anna…" Seth says as her hand goes limp. "Anna…Anna, no…"

***** 

Ryan has to get out. He doesn't know what's happening to Seth or Anna and he can't get his legs dislodged from the seat that's crushing him. He tries again, straining his arms and upper body to pull himself out.

"Hey, you okay? Ryan?"

Ryan barely recognizes Chip's voice.

"Luke, come here!" Chip yells.

"Shit…" Luke's head peers through the window. "Damn, we were right behind you, are you okay?"

"I can't fucking get out," Ryan replies. "Are Seth and Anna okay?" He hears Luke tell Chip to look for them.

"What do you need?" Luke asks.

"I can't get out…can you try and push that seat up a little?" Ryan asks. Luke reaches in and uses all his strength to push forward the seat. It barely moves but Ryan manages to pull his legs free. He can move them and he's relieved to realize that his legs are intact. He's breathing shallowly but he knows that he's probably only bruised some ribs.

"All right. I'm going to get you out…" Luke says. Ryan's legs are tingling as circulation returns. Luke puts his arms through the window and grabs Ryan's biceps, pulling him toward the window. Ryan pushes himself with his feet.

Suddenly, Ryan can see the sky as they fall roughly to the ground. Ryan loses his breath and everything spins.

***** 

"No…Don't…" Seth's world is red. Every time Chip pushes on Anna's chest, trying desperate CPR, blood trickles from her ruined body. "She's…she's dead…"

"We have to try…" Chip says, but he sees the blood trickling from her mouth. Seth reaches out and closes her eyes with a sob. Police and paramedics are swarming suddenly.

"Dude, I'm so sorry," Chip says, but Seth is beyond words. He can't hear. He shakes off the hands that are reaching for him. He pushes himself to his feet and tries to get away.

"Seth. Seth, look at me…please, Seth…" Strong hands are around his arms. Ryan.

"God…" Seth says, relaxing. Paramedics surround him. He can't see Anna but Ryan is holding him steady. He starts to cry harder, his energy gone. He cries into Ryan's chest. She's dead. Anna's dead and she loved him.

***** 


	3. Shelter

AN: Such a great response already! Whoo! Thanks to my loyal readers, Joey (who always reviews EVERYTHING I write, giving me such an ego), Kim (my new friend and great addition to the ranks of awesome fanfic writers here), feyechelon (who reads my stuff and is always awesome about reviewing as well), BrSoccerChic89, and xerus who have also been absurdly nice about the stuff I write. There are so many others but these folks reviewed me so swiftly that I just had to post the next chapter. God, folks, you're giving me a complex! Thanks to all the folks that enjoy my stuff! You guys have restored my faith and after the new eppy tonight, hopefully I can finish "Go", "Touch", "Damage", "Come All Ye Lost", "Coming Down", "And Then," and my Everwood fic that amazingly is still getting reviews. Alright. Now to the important part. 

***** 

Ryan is worried about Seth. He's damn worried. Seth hasn't said a word since 'God' and they've been at the hospital for two hours. Seth won't leave Ryan's side which caused some initial problems in the ER until Luke and Chip broke up the scuffle and explained the situation. Seth's girlfriend was dead and he had to stay with his brother. That's what Chip had yelled. 

Luke and Chip are still waiting. The two jocks had been great and Ryan had been surprised to learn that both boys knew Anna. Chip, self-proclaimed idiot, had been tutored by Anna. Anna had befriended Luke after his father 'came out'. 

The doctor comes in. "We can't reach your parents…"

"They're unreachable," Seth says suddenly. Ryan glances at him. Seth and Ryan are so close that Ryan can read his expression. He doesn't want to see his parents.

"Are we okay? Can we go?" Ryan asks.

"Well, you have some broken ribs but Seth's okay. I can't release either of you without an adult…"

Rosa steps in with Luke and Chip. "Are you okay?" She asks.

The doctor takes Rosa into the hallway.

"Good idea," Ryan says to Luke and Chip. 

"Whatever we can do," Luke replies.

"Chip." Seth's voice is low. "Thank you for trying."

Chip nods, ignoring Luke's curious glance. "I hope you don't mind, but we called Marissa."

Ryan sighs. "Thanks."

"Okay, boys. Rosa has signed for you and she's getting your prescriptions…" The doctor says. Ryan hops off the bed and goes to Seth's side. 

Seth's eyes are glazed and distant. He's like a zombie. Ryan takes his arm and leads him from the hospital. He helps Seth into Rosa's car. Ryan thanks Luke and Chip and promises to call them later. 

Seth starts to cry. They get home and he's crying. Rosa watches Ryan lead Seth into the house with his arm around his shoulders. Ryan acknowledges Summer and Marissa in the house but Seth is sobbing. He won't let Ryan leave his side. Ryan doesn't speak to them and takes Seth upstairs.

Finally, after about an hour, Seth's sobs subside and Ryan finds that he has lapsed into sleep. Ryan stands up and gently covers Seth with a blanket. He leaves the door open.

"What happened?" Summer demands. Marissa is sitting beside her on the stairs.

"Car accident. Anna's dead," Ryan mutters, sitting down at the top of the stairs. Marissa immediately climbs to him and embraces him.

"Are you okay?" 

"Yeah, but Seth…I didn't see but…I think she must have…died in his arms…" Ryan says, the impact of his words stunning him.

"Is Seth okay?" Summer asks.

"He's fucking devastated," Ryan mutters. He sighs heavily. Seth cries out in his sleep. Ryan stops Summer from passing him on the stairs. 

"He…let me go to him," Summer whispers.

"Let me ask him first. He's really upset," Ryan says. Marissa catches Ryan's glance and keeps Summer from following him.

***** 

"…When everything you wanted   
Seems to hide behind your eyes  
And I'm locked in my hotel room   
Thinking over our goodbyes…"

--Something Corporate

Seth is tossing and turning when Ryan rushes back into the room. Ryan sits down on the edge of his brother's bed and gently starts to shake him.

"…No…Anna…no…" Seth murmurs as Ryan struggles to wake him. 

"Seth…wake up, Seth," Ryan urges, shaking him harder. Seth sits up abruptly, gasping from his nightmare. 

"Ryan?" Seth is disoriented but settles down with a sigh when he recognizes Ryan. He lies back down on the bed.

"Hey. You were having a bad dream," Ryan explains. 

"Yeah. That Anna was dead…" Seth mutters, covering his face with his hands.

"Seth?" Ryan calls after a long pause. 

"Yeah?"

"Are you going to be okay?" Ryan asks quietly, putting a hand on Seth's elbow.

"I don't know…" Seth replies, starting to cry. Ryan sits beside him as he sobs into his hands. "I don't know if I can take this…"

"You're okay, Seth…okay? Look at me, man…" Ryan gently pulls his hands away from his face. "This sucks, and it's going to suck a while, but you're going to make it through this…"

"Ryan, she's dead…I mean…I was just talking to her and now…she's just gone…" Seth chokes.

Ryan loses his focus for a second and doesn't know how to respond. "Seth…I'm going to call your parents, okay?"

"No…they don't need to be here…"

"Seth, they should know about this," Ryan replies.

"No. Please, Ryan…they'd fly home and suffocate me and they wouldn't have a chance to work out anything…I don't want them to fight…I don't want them to worry…I don't want them here, Ryan…"

"Okay, Seth, okay, whatever you want, okay?" Ryan says, seeing that Seth is becoming hysterical. "Listen, I'm flying blind here, don't panic, dude…just relax, all right?"

Seth's eyes are glazed again and he has started murmuring to himself. He is shaking. Ryan takes his shoulders and shakes him. 

"Seth. I'm here, okay?"

"Ryan?" Seth calls, confused. His eyes clear and meet Ryan's gaze. "Ryan? Why are you in my bedroom?"

Ryan is chilled. "Seth…Seth, why don't you try and get some sleep, okay?" He suggests. "Just lie down."

Seth blinks, confused. He opens his mouth to speak but no sound comes out. He nods slowly.

"I'm going to sit right here, okay? I won't let you have any more nightmares, all right?"

Seth's brown eyes are full of anguish and Ryan can see that he is not ready to handle anything right now. Seth nods. "You promise?"

"I'll be right here, okay? I know you're tired so just lie down and if I see you having a dream, I'll shake you, okay?"

Seth nods. He closes his eyes and after mouthing a few words that Ryan can't hear or distinguish, his breathing settles into sleep. 

Ryan sighs and covers him with the blanket again. He sits down leaning his back against Seth's bed to keep watch. 

***** 

__

"…And you're in pieces   
As your world becomes a rainstorm  
You've got no shelter I'm a thousand miles away  
You'll survive the day…"

--Something Corporate

Ryan answers the phone on the third ring. "Hello?" 

"Ryan? It's Sandy. Is everything okay?"

Ryan hesitates. He had left Seth's side a few moments earlier to vomit in the bathroom and has found that the girls are waiting patiently in the den, napping.

"Seth's not answering his cell…"

"Yeah, it's broken. How's the trip?" Ryan realizes that Seth's phone must have been destroyed in the accident. 

"It's beautiful here…" Sandy begins. Seth slowly walks up to Ryan.

Ryan glances up at Seth. He's still pale. Seth shakes his head, putting a finger to his lips.

"The slopes are perfect but we haven't actually made it out of the room yet," Sandy continues.

"TMI, Sandy."

"What?"

"Too much information," Ryan replies, nodding to Seth almost imperceptibly.

Sandy laughs. "How's the home front?"

"Everything's good. We won the game tonight," Ryan says. Seth steps into the den. He freezes, seeing Summer and Marissa asleep on the couch.

Ryan puts a hand on Seth's shoulder to steady him.

"Good for you. You guys _are_ going to school, right?"

"Sure."

"Okay. I'm going to let it go since you're the monosyllabic one," Sandy replies. "Where's Seth?"

"He's sleeping."

"At 9:30pm?"

"Sugar crash," Ryan replies. "There was chocolate involved and babbling earlier. He's tired."

Seth smiles slightly at Ryan's lie.

"Okay. But everything's okay, then?"

"Everything's cool."

"Okay, Ryan. We'll call again tomorrow, okay? Tell Seth to take his phone to the mall tomorrow and get it replaced."

"We'll take care of it. Have fun, Sandy."

"You, too, but don't tell Kirsten that I said that. Be careful."

Ryan hangs up the phone. He leads Seth outside. Ryan lights a cigarette. 

"Thanks, man…" Seth starts.

"Dude. Whatever you need." Ryan smiles, leaning against the house lazily as he takes a drag off his cigarette. "You helped me run away and I burned down your mom's house down," He says.

"Can I have one?" Seth asks, motioning for a cigarette.

"No," Ryan replies immediately.

"You said whatever I need," Seth responds.

Ryan stares at him for a long beat. He hands him a cigarette. "If you tell your mom…"

"Dude, we drank all the liquor in the house yesterday, I don't think she'll freak."

"You didn't see her when she found my smokes a couple of weeks ago. I thought she was going to call juvenile hall and send me back. She was pissed."

Seth holds the cigarette in his hand and lights the end, charring it.

"Put it to your lips, dude and inhale. You've never smoked anything before?" Ryan asks, surprised.

Seth starts to cough violently. He drops the cigarette and stomps it out, disgusted. Ryan laughs.

Seth smiles, seeing Ryan's amusement. Ryan has been so desperately concerned about Seth that he hasn't smiled or laughed since before the soccer game. Seth turns away, guilty for his smile, taking a shaky breath. Ryan puts his hand on his shoulder.

"Its going to get easier, Seth."

Seth sits down in a pool chair. Ryan sits down on the ground beside him. "You didn't hear what she said to me…"

"Seth." Ryan looks at him, concerned. "Man, she really cared about you. She wouldn't want you to…"

"What am I supposed to do? Mourn her? Cry for her? I…I don't know what to do…" Seth's face is twisted with pain.

"Man, you have to do whatever you need to get through this…" Ryan starts.

"She said she loved me, Ryan," Seth breathes, closing his eyes.

"Shit, Seth…"

"She didn't even give me a chance to lie to her, she just…she just died…" Seth murmurs.

"She knew you cared about her, Seth. Anna and I…we were friends…we talked…" Ryan starts.

Seth snorts. "You're a shitty liar…"

"I don't lie to you, Seth," Ryan replies seriously. "Anna, she actually acknowledged me as a person, unlike…well, anyway…she's…she was different than Summer like that. She was okay with having you as a friend if that was the only way she could have you. I mean, she really respected your honesty…"

Seth's eyes are distant. "Really?"

"Seth, she knew…" Ryan hesitates. "She knew she wasn't going to make it…she had things that she needed to say to you and the important thing…" Ryan nudges Seth and he meets his steady gaze. "Hey. The important thing is that you were there to hear it."

Seth nods slowly. Ryan lights a fresh cigarette. Seth watches him. "Hey. How are you feeling?" He's been so caught up in his own grief that he had almost forgotten that Ryan was injured in the accident, too. He notices Ryan's skin is paler than normal under the patio lights. 

"Dude, I'm fine," Ryan shrugs. 

"I've been so out of it, man…" Seth starts.

"Seth, don't worry about me. If you want to make me feel better, you can take your medicine and get some sleep." Ryan holds out a prescription bottle.

"When did the girls get here?" Seth asks, accepting the bottle and examining the instructions on the side, carefully.

"They've been here a few hours," Ryan starts. He takes the bottle back from Seth and opens it. He shakes out two tablets and passes them to Seth who swallows them instantly. "I didn't want to disturb you but…I guess I should have told you."

"Dude, its cool. I can't…I don't want to talk to Summer right now…can I…Can I lie down in the pool house? My room, it's like…suffocating…"

"Go ahead. I'm going to check on the girls and lock up things…" Ryan says, standing up.

"Thanks, man…"

"Thank me later. Sleep now. I'll come tuck you in," Ryan teases. Seth pokes him playfully, regretting it instantly as Ryan winces. He feels better when he realizes that Ryan is smiling at him. Ryan takes Seth by the shoulders, steadying him. "You look better. I'll be right out, okay?"

Seth nods, grateful for Ryan's presence. They separate, Seth heading to the pool house and Ryan walking toward the main house.

***** 


	4. Blue

****

Two days later:

"…In vain I blame my trembling on the cold air  
And I can't hide that I relied on you  
Like yellow does on blue…"

--Something Corporate  


"I don't want to go," Seth says suddenly.

Ryan glances at him, merging into the turning lane.

"I don't want to go, Ryan…"

"I can't make a U-turn on the freeway," Ryan replies evenly.

"You're not going to make me go? I mean, you don't think I should go for closure and take my chance to say goodbye?"

Ryan glances at him again. "It's not my decision. I'm your chauffeur…"

"No, you're not because you're not wearing the little hat," Seth replies. Ryan pulls the car into a McDonalds parking lot. 

Ryan turns to him. "So. You don't want to go."

"No," Seth replies.

"Okay." Ryan meets Seth's gaze steadily and Seth looks away.

"But I should go, right?"

"You have to decide whether or not you can handle it. She's…she's gone. The funeral's just a ritual symbolizing that. It's okay if you don't want to go."

Seth nods, thoughtful. "So. I still don't want to go."

Ryan regards him.

"But we have to go. We have to go for Anna."

Ryan nods. "So. We're going but we don't want to."

"Exactly."

"Got it. You're sure?"

"Yeah. Sorry for the spaz out."

"You're a spaz, it's expected," Ryan replies. He starts the car and they continue to the funeral. They park and Ryan steps out, going to Seth's door.

"I don't want to talk to anybody, Ryan…" Seth says when Ryan opens the door.

"Marissa is saving us a seat at the back. I'll run interference, okay? Don't worry about anything."

"Ryan. Man, you're really…Thanks," Seth says.

"Don't get all mushy," Ryan replies. "Come on." Seth walks behind Ryan, his eyes lowered.

"Hey. You okay?" Marissa embraces Seth.

"Yeah. So far so good," Seth replies. They both notice Ryan's sudden change in demeanor. Completely defensive. 

"Shit," Seth says, recognizing his grandfather across the parking lot. He doesn't want to talk to him and he panics, stepping back.

"Interference," Ryan mutters. Marissa takes Seth's hands and turns him to face her. Ryan walks away from them.

"I see Ryan helped you get ready," She says, adjusting his tie.

"Why is that?" Seth asks nervously.

"He can't tie a tie," Marissa replies.

"I shouldn't have made him go over there…" Seth says suddenly. Marissa meets his worried gaze. They aren't sure of the nature of Ryan and Caleb's relationship. Ryan tenses up and barely speaks in his presence and Caleb always pulls him aside to 'talk'. Ryan has never confided in them what their conversations are about.

"Ryan. Where's Seth's parents?" Caleb asks immediately.

"Out of town. Seth doesn't want to interrupt their vacation," Ryan replies evenly.

"You can't be serious. No one called Kiki? Who's staying with you?" Caleb demands.

"Seth's not really up for company," Ryan replies. "And like you always say, they're not my parents. It's Seth's decision."

Caleb is flushed.

"Don't talk to him. He's not ready. It's huge that he could even make it here. You can do your worst to me after he's okay, but you need to stay away from him today, Mr. Nichols," Ryan states.

"You don't tell me what to do…" Caleb snaps.

"I'm asking you to respect your grandson's wishes," Ryan says. He pauses. "You knew about this, I'm sure, since you're here, but you're too busy taking advantage of Sandy's absence to improve your court case to even give Seth a sympathy phone call. I'm asking you to give him some space today." Ryan steps away, returning to Seth and Marissa and leading them inside.

***** 

"Ryan?" Seth calls. 

"It's cool. Let's go inside," Ryan says, shaken by his encounter with Caleb but not meeting Seth's gaze.

"Guys, my dad is here," Marissa says quietly.

"What? Did he know Anna?" Seth asks.

"It's Newport, he knows her parents. He promised me that he won't call Kirsten or Sandy," She adds.

"Shit…" Seth breathes.

"Hey," Ryan says, getting Seth's attention. "One thing at a time, okay?"

Seth nods slowly. "Okay. Let's go. I'm not going to think about that…"

"He promised, Seth…" Marissa whispers.

"I believe you," He says, putting an arm around her. "Let's go."

Ryan follows behind them. Marissa sits beside Jimmy on the back row. Seth sits down beside her, already pale from his glimpse of Anna's shiny white coffin.

Jimmy acknowledges Seth and Ryan with a solemn nod. He is too concerned by Seth's shaky demeanor to risk setting him off by speaking.

"You okay?" Ryan whispers immediately after sitting down.

"Yeah. Okay," Seth replies.

"I'll be right back," Ryan steps away before Seth can question him.

"Seth, you're doing great," Marissa says, distracting him by taking his hand.

"I don't need you to hold my hand," Seth says with a grateful smile. He doesn't pull away.

"Maybe I need you to hold mine," Marissa replies. He squeezes her hand.

Ryan is back as the funeral begins with the sound of bells. Seth doesn't have a chance to ask him where he went.

Seth keeps his eyes closed. Marissa clenches his hand reassuringly every few minutes and Ryan's hand is stoic on his shoulder.

And before Seth realizes, the funeral is over. Marissa and Ryan are watching him worriedly. Ryan breaks the tension. 

"You ready?"

"Yes?" Seth answers. They stand up.

"I'll see you later, honey," Jimmy says to Marissa. He glances at Seth and Ryan, worry on his face. "I'll call you later."

"I'm right behind you, I just have to run to the bathroom," Ryan says at the door. Marissa takes the keys from him and leads Seth to the car.

"Is Ryan okay?" Seth asks at the car.

"He's just got a small bladder," Marissa jokes.

"What? Liar," Ryan says, smiling slightly as he goes to the driver's side. 

***** 


	5. Shake This Hell

***** 

Back at the house, Marissa goes to the poolhouse to change while Seth and Ryan sit down in the den.

"Seth, I think it's time we called your parents…" Ryan says slowly.

"I can't believe you let me get away with it for this long," Seth sighs. 

"You aren't going to fight me on this?" Ryan asks, surprised. 

"No. It's time. With Grandpa and Jimmy at the funeral…they're going to find out shortly anyway," Seth admits.

Ryan nods. "Okay. I'm going to call them. You want to talk to them?" 

"No…I…"

"It's okay. You've had a long day…" Ryan says before Seth explains.

"So have you. You look tired, dude," Seth starts.

"I'm fine. I'm worried about you. You're being entirely too okay about all of this," Ryan says quietly.

"I'm dealing. I have to deal, right? I mean…I'm still shaky…I still don't want this to be real…but I know that it is real," Seth says quietly. "Go call mom and dad. Time to face the music."

Ryan steps into the kitchen and calls Sandy's cell phone. Kirsten answers on the second ring.

"Hello?"

"Kirsten?"

"Hey, Ryan. How are you doing?" Kirsten smiles.

"Okay. I…I have some news."

"Is everything okay?"

"Not really…" Ryan hadn't anticipated talking to Kirsten. He is more comfortable with Sandy and isn't sure how Kirsten is going to react.

"What's going on?" Kirsten asks.

"Remember Anna from Thanksgiving?" Ryan asks quietly.

"Sure, one of Seth's women…"

"She died two days ago…" Ryan states. 

Kirsten gasps. "My god…what happened?"

"There was this accident on the freeway and she didn't make it…" Ryan sighs.

"Is Seth okay?" 

"He's pretty upset…shit, he's devastated…but he's dealing."

"Ryan, why didn't you call us?"

"He was in a weird place, Kirsten, I mean…he wanted you guys to enjoy your time together…" Ryan starts.

"What?"

"He didn't want you guys to rush back because of him and still be arguing," Ryan admits quietly. 

"Ryan, this is serious…"

"I know. But things have been serious here, too and it was a judgment call. I'm sorry…" Ryan apologizes.

"You guys are okay, though, right? You weren't in the accident?"

"Technically, we were in the accident…"

Kristen gasps again. 

"But we're fine. The hospital just checked us out…"

"You went to the hospital?" Kirsten's voice is a whisper.

"Yeah. Seth was pretty bruised and they gave him some painkillers and some stuff to help him relax…he was pretty out of it at the hospital…"

"What about you?"

"I broke some ribs, but nothing serious…"

"We're on our way, Ryan…" Kirsten says. "Where's Seth?"

"He's…"

"Don't lie to me. I want to talk to him."

"He's not ready, Kirsten. He's exhausted. We just got back from the funeral and he's barely holding it together. Can you just come home?" Ryan asks.

Kirsten pauses. "We're coming home, Ryan."

"I'm taking care of him. The only way I know how," Ryan replies.

"Are you taking care of yourself, too?" She asks before he hangs up.

"I'm fine. We'll see you soon," Ryan sighs, hanging up. 

***** 

***** 

__

"…I'm willing to break myself  
To shake this hell from everything I touch  
I'm willing to bleed for days more reds and grays  
So you don't hurt so much…"

--Something Corporate  


Seth wakes up with her name on his lips. Ryan is standing over him, his face drawn with concern and exhaustion. 

"It's okay, Seth, you're okay…" Ryan is saying.

"Dude…I'm sorry…" Seth recognizes the pool house. He hasn't been able to sleep in his room since the accident. Ryan and Rosa have made up the extra bed in the pool house for him so Ryan can watch over him.

"Hey, it's cool. It was just a bad dream…" Ryan says, immediately. 

Seth realizes suddenly that Ryan looks awful. "I'm keeping you awake…what's going on?" He sits up. Marissa is sitting up across the room in Ryan's bed wearing some of his sweats. 

"Nothing, it's like three a.m. You have the dream again?" Ryan asks, visibly relaxing at Seth's lucidity. 

"Yeah. Dude, you look awful, are you sick?" Seth questions.

Seth catches a warning glance between Ryan and Marissa. 

"Nah, I'm fine. Don't worry about it. Get some rest…" Ryan slowly walks back across the room and sits down beside Marissa.

"Marissa? Is he sick?"

Marissa looks at Ryan and then back at Seth. "He's worried sick about you," She says quietly. 

"You were puking all day yesterday, weren't you? That's why you kept disappearing at the funeral yesterday…" Seth realizes.

"It's fine…" Ryan mutters.

"It must hurt like a motherfucker with those broken ribs," Seth replies. Marissa glances at Ryan in surprise.

"Broken ribs?" Marissa asks immediately. 

"Hey. I am fine. Let's just go back to sleep," Ryan urges, eager to shift the attention from him.

Seth's eyelids are heavy from the painkillers and he can't argue anymore. He lies down again.

"You didn't tell me…" Marissa whispers.

"Shh. Let's go to sleep. You can yell at me tomorrow," Ryan whispers back. Seth drifts to sleep as the pool house is silent. 

***** 

"Seth? Ryan?" Kirsten's voice wakes him the next day. 

"Mom." Seth sits up in bed and his mother sits down beside him, embracing him. She rocks him gently as he clings to her. Sandy enters, joining his wife on the bed and putting a hand on Seth's shoulder. 

"I'm so sorry we weren't here…" Kirsten whispers.

"There was nothing you could do…" Seth replies. "I wanted you to have fun. You guys deserved it and there was nothing that you could do."

Kirsten brushes his hair back, looking at the stitches and bruise on his head. "You okay?"

"I'm getting there. I've been a little…out of it…Ryan's been taking care of me…where is Ryan?" Seth glances around. 

Sandy leaves them on the bed and walks down the hall to the bathroom.

"Ryan, you have to go to a doctor, I can stay with Seth, but this isn't normal…" Marissa's voice is quiet from inside the bathroom. Sandy hears the sound of retching through the crack in the door. He gently pushes the door open.

"Mr. Cohen…" Marissa seems relieved to see him. 

"Hey, Marissa. Ryan…" Sandy is immediately concerned, seeing Marissa's intense worry and the pallor of his skin.

Ryan waves his hand, not letting Sandy see his face. He continues to vomit. Marissa squeezes his shoulder and pulls Sandy outside. 

"He's been throwing up for two days. He's running a fever but he…he won't leave Seth and he won't listen to me…" Marissa sighs, worried.

"Thank you for staying with him, Marissa. Now that we're back, we'll take care of him," Sandy promises. Seth and Kirsten appear in the hallway.

"What's going on?" Seth asks, confused. 

"Ryan's sick, Seth," Marissa says. "He…he didn't want you to worry, but he's still sick…"

Kirsten pushes through the crowd and pushes open the bathroom door. She closes it behind her. Ryan is leaning against the wall as he sits in the floor. He is deathly pale and shivering. His eyes are glazed when he glances at her.

"Not much of a welcome for you, is it?" Ryan asks, his voice hoarse. 

"You're going to the doctor, Ryan…" Kirsten starts.

"Fine. Whatever. It doesn't matter. How's Seth?" Ryan asks, waving off her concern for him. 

"He's not throwing up…" Kirsten starts.

"He's not dealing with this, either. He's really upset…he's not sleeping and you have to make sure he takes his medicine. He's really upset…" Ryan repeats.

Kirsten is touched by Ryan's concern for her son. She knew that they were close but had no idea that they were bonded to this level. "We'll take care of him, Ryan." She puts a hand against his clammy forehead. 

"I couldn't leave him when he's like this…" Ryan whispers. 

"Okay, Ryan. Let's get you ready to go to the doctor, okay? The sooner we go, the sooner we can get you back…" Kirsten says, gently, helping him to his feet. She had been angry all the way home because Ryan hadn't called her but seeing his intense concern for Seth, all her anger has turned to pride and worry.


	6. Fallen

***** 

***** 

***** 

Seth is shaking as he sits on the bed in the poolhouse waiting for his mother to return with Ryan. Marissa is talking quietly with Sandy. Seth didn't know that Ryan was so sick. He has been so caught up in his grief that he didn't notice Ryan's lapse into sickness.

"Seth?" Ryan sits down beside him on the bed as Kirsten joins Sandy and Marissa's quiet conference.

"Man, you should have said something," Seth says quietly.

"I'm sorry. You've been so upset and I really thought that I'd be over this by now," Ryan replies. 

"You look awful, dude," Seth states honestly. 

"I know. Are you going to be all right while I go with your mom to the doctor?" Ryan asks quietly.

Seth hesitates. He hasn't thought about Ryan having to leave.

"Man, it should only be a little while and Marissa's going to hang out with you, okay?" Ryan adds. Seth looks at Ryan again and realizes that if he tells Ryan to stay that Ryan won't get well. He could lose Ryan, too.

"Go. I'll be fine. Dad's here, too, now and you really need to let someone take a look at you…" Seth says, steeling himself. 

"I'll be back as soon as I can, okay?" Ryan says quietly. Seth embraces him. 

"Go get better. Go."

"Come on, Ryan. Let's get you in the car," Kirsten says, taking his arm.

***** 

Marissa sits with Seth while Kirsten takes Ryan to the doctor. Sandy is in the kitchen, talking on the phone. 

"Are you going to be okay?" She asks Seth, holding his hand.

"Yeah. I just lost it for a while there," Seth replies. "Thank you for hanging around."

"Summer's worried about you."

"I don't want to see her…" Seth replies instantly.

"Seth…"

"I mean…my feelings for Summer kept me from being with Anna…and even though…she's gone now…I can't stop feeling guilty for thinking of Summer at a time like this," He explains.

Marissa nods and hugs him impulsively. He returns her embrace, grateful for her acceptance.

"You'll be okay," She says.

"You think?" He whispers.

"Ryan and I will be there for you," Marissa promises. The phone rings. Marissa answers it.

"Cohens."

"Marissa? It's Kirsten."

"Is everything okay?" Marissa asks immediately.

"They need to keep Ryan overnight because he's so dehydrated…" Kirsten explains as Marissa leaves Seth to walk into the kitchen to find Sandy.

"Well, Seth's okay right now, but he's not going to like Ryan having to stay away," Marissa tells Kirsten.

"Ryan says the same thing but until he stops throwing up, he has to stay," Kirsten sighs.

"I'll talk to Seth. Here's Sandy." Marissa hands the phone to Sandy and hurries back to Seth.

"Who was that?" Seth asks.

"Listen, Seth. Do you trust me?"

"Marissa…"

"Seth?"

"Yeah. I do."

"And you trust Ryan, too, right? You want him to be okay…"

"Of course, Marissa, what…" Seth starts.

Marissa takes his trembling hand. "They need to keep Ryan overnight."

"Why?" He demands, panicking.

"Hey. It's okay. He's just dehydrated, okay? So they have to give him fluids and try to get him to stop throwing up…"

Seth considers her words. "Why is he sick?"

"I don't know. I haven't seen him eat anything since the accident and he wouldn't take his prescriptions…" Marissa says.

"Why?"

"He has this thing about drugs," She replies.

Seth sighs. "I forgot about that."

"Well, you've had a lot on your mind," Marissa smiles as Sandy steps into the room.

"They're keeping him overnight. They gave him a sedative so he could get some rest…" Sandy starts.

"Who's going to stay with him?" Seth asks.

"Kirsten," Sandy answers.

"Mom should come home. Marissa should go," Seth starts.

"Actually, Seth, I can't," Marissa interrupts. "I promised Ryan that I'd stay with you. And we have to sleep."

"Together?" Seth asks seriously. "Damn, he's a good friend…"

"No, Seth," Marissa laughs. 

Sandy seems relieved. "Rosa has made up all the beds."

"You tired?" Marissa asks.

"Yeah," Seth answers honestly. 

"The pool house is stocked with food. Ryan said you might want to sleep there," Sandy says.

"Thanks, Dad," Seth replies.

***** 

***** 

__

"I hear sound echo in the emptiness  
All around but you can't change this loneliness  
Look what you've found, I've fallen down"

--Something Corporate

"Kirsten?" Ryan's voice is hoarse.

She leans over, taking his hand. "I'm here."

"Shouldn't I feel better?" He asks. She puts her hand against his forehead. He's sweating and feverish.

"I'll get the doctor," She says, pushing the nurse's call button. A nurse arrives within seconds. "I think you should take his temperature…"

The nurse examines Ryan's monitors and takes his temperature. She leaves to get the doctor.

"You're going to be okay, Ryan…" Kirsten says, going to his side again.

"I'm going to take your word on that. How's Seth?" Ryan asks weakly.

"Sandy says that he's sleeping. He's in the poolhouse and Marissa's with him. I'm glad you took care of him."

"Well…Anna was a cool girl. Seth really liked her. It's not his fault that he didn't love her."

Kirsten looks at him curiously.

Ryan meets her gaze. "She said she loved him before she died. And he was just…sprung."

"Poor Seth," Kirsten gasps.

"But he's better…" Ryan says. "I'm going to be sick…can you…"

She is already helping him to his feet. She takes the saline he's connected to and follows him to the bathroom. When the nurse returns with the doctor, Ryan is still vomiting. They help him back to the bed and the nurse takes Kirsten outside.

"His fever is dangerously high, Mrs. Cohen but the doctor thinks that he should get better in the next 3 hours…"

"What's wrong with him?" Kirsten asks.

"We think it's a viral infection. The doctor is using stronger antibiotics now…"

The doctor steps out. "He's sleeping again, Mrs. Cohen. You can go back in."

Ryan's fever finally spikes during a series of nightmares that Kirsten and the nurses cannot wake him from. He's settled as the sun rises and she dozes off. When she wakes up, Ryan is sitting on the edge of the bed, his hand over his face.

"Ryan."

"Good morning," Ryan sighs, hoarse.

"You, too. Why are you up?" She asks.

"I went to the bathroom," He replies.

"Feeling better?"

"Yeah. I feel like I didn't sleep at all, though…" He confesses.

"You had some bad dreams."

"Did I talk in my sleep?" He asks.

Kirsten hesitates. She had heard things that she knew he would never tell anyone. "No. You mumbled a little…"

He nods solemnly. "It was pretty trippy…have you talked to Seth?"

"Why don't you call them while I talk to the doctor?" She suggests. Ryan nods.

***** 


	7. Shadow

***** 

Sandy answers the phone. "Hello?"

"Hey, Sandy."

"Ryan. How are you feeling?" Sandy asks. Seth and Marissa both glance up.

"Better. How's Seth?" 

"Hang on," Sandy says, passing the phone to Seth.

"Hey."

"Hey. You okay?" Seth asks.

"Sick as hell. But better. I haven't puked in a couple of hours."

"Good job," Seth grins.

"You okay?"

"Yeah. Marissa snores," Seth says.

"I know," Ryan smiles.

Marissa pokes Seth, feigning insult. 

"When do you get out?"

"I don't know. Your mom's with the doctor."

"Maybe we'll come see you if its going to be a while…" Seth starts.

"Don't say that. I want to come home," Ryan says. Kirsten returns with the doctor. "I'll call you back."

***** 

The doctor keeps Ryan until noon and then Kirsten brings him home. They are surprised to find their driveway crowded with cars. Caleb, Julie, Jimmy, Rachel, Sandy and Anna's parents are in the house along with several other adults. 

"Sandy? What's going on?" Kirsten asks, her hand on Ryan's shoulder. 

"It's an impromptu memorial." Sandy gives Ryan a quick hug before he can escape and motions to the patio. Ryan recognizes Seth and Marissa in the hot tub. Luke, Chip and several of Ryan's soccer teammates are in the pool talking to Seth and Marissa.

"Well…" Kirsten starts.

"It's because of the settlement," Caleb says. Ryan flinches as Caleb puts his hand on his shoulder. 

"The Heights are being turned into a memorial for Anna," Rachel explains.

Ryan walks onto the patio. Several people call hello to him. Marissa, Seth, Luke and Chip leave the pool and come to his side.

"Hey," He says, tiredly.

"How you feeling?" Marissa asks, embracing him. He smiles as he examines her. 

"When I'm not here, you should be wearing pants," He teases, referring to her bikini.

"You look like hell," Luke comments.

"I don't feel much better," Ryan replies honestly. "This is nice."

"Yeah. It's really nice," Seth agrees. Ryan sways suddenly and Marissa takes his arm to steady him. 

"I'm going to go lie down…" Ryan says. Marissa puts her arm around his waist and accompanies him to the pool house. He lies down on his bed, exhausted. Marissa disappears for a moment, getting dressed and returning. She curls up with him on the bed.

"Thank you for staying with Seth," He says.

"I'm glad you're better. He's doing good," Marissa says. 

Seth steps inside, dressed. He lies down on the free side of Marissa.

"So, Ryan. Marissa said you wanted her to sleep with me," Seth sighs. 

"What?" Ryan laughs.

"But as a gentleman, I resisted," Seth continues. 

"Shut up," Marissa laughs. Within minutes, all three teenagers are asleep.

***** 

"…And I don't care if you don't love me  
And I don't care if you won't change  
I could live inside the shadow that I cast on you  
And the myth that you would stay  
And I'll be home before the morning comes,  
You won't have to be alone…"

--Something Corporate  


Seth wakes up when he feels fingertips in his hair. He opens his eyes and recognizes Summer sitting beside him.

"Sorry," She apologizes.

"Hey." He yawns, sitting up. Ryan and Marissa are sleeping soundly.

"You guys are adorable," Summer whispers.

"Summer…I'm sorry."

"Me, too. I…I want to help you. I want to be your friend, Seth…" Summer starts. She reaches for his hand.

"I know. I just…I don't know…" Seth sighs. He pulls away. Ryan mumbles in his sleep.

Summer glances over at him. "You guys are so weird. It's like, you're upset and he can sense it."

"We're brothers," Seth replies.

"Stop it…" Ryan murmurs clearly. Marissa wakes up. 

"Can we talk?" Summer asks Seth.

"No…" Ryan mutters, starting to struggle. Marissa wakes him gently.

Seth is watching him. "You okay?"

Ryan examines Summer before replying, "Are you?"

"Yeah," Seth replies.

Ryan whispers something in Marissa's ear. She nods. "We're going to take a shower."

Seth smiles. "Okay."

"Seriously, just a shower," Marissa states.

"We believe you," Summer teases. Marissa gets up and Seth and Summer realize that Ryan is almost too weak to stand. Marissa steadies him as he gets to his feet, holding his hands. 

"Don't upset him, Summer," Ryan says quietly. He looks at Seth. "Don't get upset."

"Why don't you concentrate on not falling over?" Summer replies.

"It's cool, Ryan," Seth says. Ryan and Marissa slowly step from the room.

"Talk to me, Cohen," Summer whispers.

"About what?" Seth replies. 

"About why you're mad at me."

"I'm not mad at you," Seth counters. "You just…you remind me of her. You're my weakness. You're why I couldn't love her and you…you don't even care…"

Summer's face falls. "I do care…"

"I should have tried to be what she needed…"

"I think she deserved someone who could love her, Seth, wholeheartedly…"

"You didn't know her, Summer…"

"I know…but I know you and I know you cared about her. I know she knew it, too," Summer whispers. She embraces him impulsively. He lets her hold him. Finally, he pulls away.

"I can't, Summer…"

"I'm sorry it took losing her for me to realize…" She starts.

"Don't," Seth stops her, standing up.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Seth," Summer says, her brown eyes full of tears. "Do you want me to go?"

"No. Stay. But I don't want to talk," Seth sighs. 

Kirsten and Sandy appear with a tray of food. They are both surprised to see Summer.

"Where's Ryan?" Kirsten asks. "And Marissa?"

"Taking a shower," Seth replies before thinking.

Kirsten pales, startled.

"Um, not like that, Ryan's just…" Summer starts.

"Weak," Ryan finishes, stepping into the room with Marissa's assistance.

"We didn't…we weren't…" Marissa is red with embarrassment. 

"It's okay," Sandy stammers.

"I'm pretty shaky so I asked her to help me," Ryan says, sitting down on his bed. "She got shampoo in my eyes."

Kirsten and Sandy relax at his joke. 

"I'll get you some 'no-tears Johnson & Johnson'," Kirsten smiles.

"Rose brought you guys some food," Sandy says. Kirsten hands Ryan a bottle of juice but his hands are trembling so much that he drops it.

"Well, at least you don't have to shake it," Marissa says, picking it up for him.

"I called Jimmy, Marissa and he's going to bring some clothes over for you," Kirsten says.

"Thanks," Marissa says honestly.

"The boys need to take their medicine…" Kirsten starts.

"We'll be outside," Marissa says, leading Summer to the patio.

"Are we in trouble?" Seth asks immediately.

"No. I admit, we're concerned because you didn't call us…" Kirsten replies.

"It was my decision. You guys haven't been getting along and there was nothing you could do for me or Ryan…" Seth says.

"Seth," Sandy starts.

"She was dead. Anna's dead. I couldn't have handled you guys coming back and still be arguing," Seth continues. "I just needed to chill out…"

"Kids," Kirsten sighs. "Sandy and I have been arguing lately but our marriage is fine. All couples fight but I love Sandy and he loves me and that's all that matters."

"We're okay," Seth says. "I'm glad you're back but we're okay now."

"We're proud of you," Sandy says quietly. "You boys have both proven that you're men now…"

"Dad, please…" Seth scoffs.

Ryan's eyelids are drooping and he is barely staying upright. Kirsten sits down beside him. "Before you go to sleep, you have to eat…"

"Not hungry," Ryan murmurs.

Seth sits down on Ryan's empty side. "Dude. You've been throwing up for days…you have to eat."

Ryan glares at him. 

"Am I going to have to get Marissa?" Seth warns. Ryan accepts a sandwich from Sandy's tray. He takes a tentative bite.

"Good boy," Seth grins, patting Ryan on the head. Ryan sticks his tongue out at Seth. 

Kirsten and Sandy smile at the boys' interaction. Seth takes a sandwich. 

As Ryan finishes eating, Sandy holds out several pills. Ryan sighs but accepts them. Seth swallows the painkillers from his mother.

"Okay, guys. Ryan, you have permission to fall asleep again. Seth, don't let the girls keep him awake," Sandy warns, leading Kirsten to the door after she gives both boys a quick hug. 


	8. Fin

__

"…part and part and inch my inch  
you'll have your mile when its through  
incinerate what's left of this  
and torch the part of me that's you…"  
--Something Corporate

Marissa steps back inside with Summer as Ryan lies down on the bed. Seth is watching him closely.

"What?" Ryan mutters, looking at him with dazed eyes.

"You look awful, man," Seth confesses. "I can't believe I didn't notice…"

"You checking me out on a regular basis?" Ryan replies. 

"Should I be worried?" Marissa teases, shoving Seth playfully.

"Have a seat, Summer. Welcome to the clubhouse," Ryan mutters as he puts his arm over his face. In minutes, he's asleep.

"Chino's really tired," Summer says as she takes a seat on Seth's bed. "Luke said he was in the hospital…"

"He's better now," Seth replies. 

"He wore himself out, at least that's what Kirsten says," Marissa remarks. "I'm going to go call my Dad and see if I can stay over…"

Summer remains on the couch as Marissa steps outside to call her dad. Seth gets up from Ryan's bed and goes to sit beside her. 

"I'm worried about him," Seth tells Summer, glancing at Ryan.

"He's tough. He seems okay. He seems more worried about you than himself," Summer replies.

"He is. He's the only reason I made it these last few days. I…I'm really messed up, Summer," Seth whispers.

She takes his hand. "It's okay. You lost Anna. You're allowed to be messed up."

Seth is silent but he doesn't pull his hand away. 

"She meant a lot to you, Seth…" Summer starts.

"She told me she loved me. She loved me, Summer and I didn't even know…" Seth says quietly. 

"I'm sure she knew, Seth. I'm sure she knew…"

"I…I tried to do the right thing…I couldn't choose and it wasn't fair…" Seth mutters.

"Seth. It's too late," Summer begins but gasps, seeing Seth's stricken face. "Honey, I'm sorry…"

"No…you're right…" Seth whispers. "I'm too late…" He pulls away.

"Seth, you did the right thing, you did the only thing you could do and stay true to yourself…" Summer starts.

"Too late…" Seth murmurs, sliding off the couch and sitting on the carpet. His brown eyes are distant.

"Seth, baby…" Summer tries to get him to look at her but Seth is inconsolable. She glances around but Marissa hasn't returned and Ryan is sleeping soundly. "Seth, please…"

"What is it?" Ryan mumbles from the bed.

"Seth's upset…" Summer says and Ryan sits up immediately. 

"Yeah?" Ryan asks, his eyes glazed with sleep. "Where is he?"

Summer motions to the floor beside her and Ryan slowly makes his way from the bed to Seth's side. 

"Seth. Hey, kid," Ryan says calmly, sitting down beside him.

Seth doesn't acknowledge him immediately, but tilts his head as if listening.

"Dude. Can you look at me?" Ryan asks quietly.

Seth glances at Ryan, dazed. "Yeah?"

"You okay?" Ryan asks gently.

"Yeah…aren't you supposed to be sleeping?" Seth asks, coming out of his daze.

"Yeah. You okay here?" Ryan asks.

Seth glances up and recognizes Summer's concerned face. "Yeah. Sorry, man…"

"No problem…" Ryan replies. 

"You want us to leave you alone so you can sleep?"

"Nah…" Ryan says, closing his eyes, drowsy. "I can sleep…" He falls asleep with his head leaning against the couch where he is sitting on the carpet.

"Seth, I'll go…" Summer says suddenly.

'I don't want you to go…I mean…God, this is hard…it's just…" Seth stands up.

"It's too soon, Seth. I'm sorry." 

"Me, too," Seth sighs. "I'm sorry, I mean."

"I'll call you, Seth. Maybe we can talk or something," Summer says, going to the door. "Take care of your brother. Take care of yourself. I'll be around."

***** 

Seth wakes Ryan up later that night from a deep sleep. Marissa's father wanted her to stay at home for one night. Anna's death had affected the parents of Newport and they wanted their children within their sight for once. 

"Ryan?" 

Ryan sits up with a jolt, instantly alert. "Yeah? Are you okay?"

"Yeah, are you sleeping?" Seth whispers.

Ryan sighs and leans back in bed. "Nah, man. What's up?"

"Do you think Anna's in heaven?" Seth asks. Ryan can't see him in the darkened pool house, he can only hear his voice.

"Um…" Ryan starts.

"I mean, where is she? Where do you think she went?"

"I don't know, Seth. I'm sure it's a better place…it has to be…" Ryan mutters. 

Seth doesn't respond.

"Seth, I don't know. I don't know if I believe in heaven or hell or any of that…but I believe that she's at peace now…and that's enough…she'll never be in pain again, you know?" Ryan says slowly.

"Yeah. Yeah, I guess so," Seth says. 

"Seth. This will get easier, man."

"I don't want to forget her."

"She will never be forgotten, Seth. I know you better than that. But she wouldn't want you grieving for her forever…she wasn't like that," Ryan says.

Seth is silent. Ryan starts to get up to go to him.

"I'm okay, man. You can go back to sleep. Thanks," Seth says.

"You sure?" 

"Yeah. Thanks."

***** 

FIN


End file.
